Vanished
by Nooz
Summary: Kenji takes Kaoru to the sakura trees right before her death, and Kaoru takes the time to tell her son a few things about his father.


Author's Note: Hello all! This is NOT my first attempt at a RK fic, though I do believe it is the best. Please be kind, and PLEASE, PLEASE review! Hey, if you took the time to read it, you could take time to say, "That was good," or, "That was bad?" Though I would appreciate more than that?

Now, on to the ficcy:

**Vanished **

The leaves, the cherry blossoms, at this time of the year, the trees were stripped of them. The bare limbs stretched out into the bright blue sky, so bright, so blue, and so brazenly cold. A cold sun sneered down, down, down, down, onto a small path, through a small grove, where I and my Haha-oya walked.

Even then, at the ripe age of fifteen, I was small, with an under average physique I inherited form my Chichi-oya. My Haha-oya walked beside me, leaning heavily on my arm and shoulder. She coughed from time to time and would stop. Every time she did so, I would hold on to her shaking shoulders and steady her as the cough racked her lungs and throat. All I could do was wince in pain, whisper soothing words, and hope for the best.

But, the fact remained, and would remain: there was no hope to be had. Chichi-oya had passed away, and not long ago; and now, Haha-oya slipped through my fingers. She would not be among us much longer. The pain of that thought stabbed me as no dagger could, for I could bear physical wounds very well (another trait of Chichi-oya); I could not stand the emotional pain this experience was dragging me through.

"Kushou," I swore. I could not help it, and although the word was said in a whisper, I felt shame wash over me. Haha-oya hated swearing.

She had heard me mutter the obscenity. Even in her weak and dying state, she could look reproving. This triggered something in my heart at the sight of her pale, drained face. How could she be so strong? Did she really love me so much to reprimand me in this state? Indeed, when I held her straight, she was no more than her maiden namesake: kamiya; a dying, shriveled kamiya hanging on to dear life with from a strand.

"Kenji," she whispered, and closed her eyes. I knew exhaustion would wash over her. She re-opened her yes. "Kenji…do not…do not say such things…." She once again closed her eyes.

"Don't, Okaa-san," I said concernedly. "You are tiring yourself out. Stop talking, please. Do you want to go to the sakura grove? I shall take you there. But you must save your strength."

A sigh escaped her lips. "Yes, Kenji…yes, I want to go…"

"You cannot walk so far," I said, and gently hoisted her up into my arms. I smiled warmly down at her. "There," I said. "Now you cannot tire yourself out."

She lifted a small white hand to my face, and held my cheek. "My father, my husband, my son," she smiled a wan smile. "You three…care so much…"

I smiled back, and walked steadily over to the sakura grove my mother asked to go to. But you are wrong, Okaa-san, I thought. Chichi-oya did not care for you as much I do.

We reached the grove, and she ordered me in her small weak way so put her down. I had no choice but to comply. I loved my Haha-oya. I could not disobey her now, not when-

When I saw her face, I knew the end was near.

Haha-oya was in no hurry, though. She calmly stared out onto the river, her eyes tired, but glassy. She was not buckling under the pain and pressure the disease threw at her. She simply sat there, bandaged from head to foot, save her face, which in its own way, and preserved some beauty from her youth. Her raven hair streamed out from her head. I knew then, that she would die a peaceful death. I suppose it was the disease's way of apologizing for all of the grief the victim had to undergo.

My Haha-oya had given up. She was in peace, for she knew she would be joining Chichi-oya soon. She would travel to whatever world, wherever he was, and leave us. I knew what life without Chichi-oya was like. I had faced that all my life, save for a few moments. But I couldn't face life without Haha-oya. She was the one person I knew would be there. But now, sadly, it was my turn to take her hand, and walk her through her last steps of life, just the way she had held my hand and walked the first steps of my life with me.

"Kenji-chan," she said without turning her face, "listen. Listen to me, and promise me. You will not forget what I tell you now."

"Never, Okaa-san. I will never forget." I couldn't deny her anything, not now.

She sighed and closed her eyes.

"You…you resent your Chichi-oya, don't you?" she asked, barely above a whisper. She did not wait for my answer, but continued. "I know you do. But you must understand, Kenji. You must understand your father, what he did, why he did it, and why I allowed him.

"You know he was the infamous Hitokiri Battousai. But what you do not know, Kenji, is what being a killer cost him. He suffered horribly for the murdering that he had done. But what burned him the most was…in a way, that cross shaped scar.

"He never told you what happened to create that scar. He was the only one with the right, the only right to tell you. But now that he is no more"-here she stopped, if only for a moment, but that one moment contained a life-time's worth of longing and sadness, and strangely enough, peace. "…That passes on to me now."

I heard, right there, in my Haha-oya's halting speech, punctuated with coughing fits. But the story was heart wrenching all the same. I heard of my father's early days, of losing his innocence, of becoming an assassin, of falling in love, and finally, killing his first beloved. I learned of his wandering, of his inner turmoil, of his sheer stubbornness, of his conquests and his atonement. I heard of his happy moments and his sad ones, of his smile that hid no grief. But most of all, I remember Haha-oya as saying, "His smile…he always managed to smile at me. But that smile…it never his sadness from me. It was what made me want to bear his pain and the weight of his sword. It is…an overwhelming weight, my son. Gomen… I cannot help…help you bear it. Demo…Promise me that you will never kill. That…that you will never take another's life. You will carry your father's banner high…"

She fell silent, and her breathing became calm. The time would come soon for her to pass on. But she would feel no pain, for that was the disease's way of letting victims go. It was a way of silent apology for causing so much pain while living.

"When he lived, he had the softest heart, but a spine as strong as that sakaba. Promise me you understand what I'm trying to tell you Kenji: _do not burden your chichi-oya with more than he can bear! If love is too much to ask, then respect him! If not for his sake, then mine! Mine, Kenji-san, mine!_" She broke down into a serious coughing fit. But she still locked her startlingly blue eyes on to my own indigo ones, and whispered, "Please."

And for that instant, that blood-churning instant, I knew that the time had come. My heart blackened completely. All those feelings and emotions I'd been keeping in check came bursting, breaking that wall completely. Feelings of grief- melancholy, sorrow, mourning- all rose in my chest in great churning mess. Tight, cold fingers squeezed my heart. My vision blurred. My heart sped up. My body froze. My breath stopped. My chest contracted. Every iota of my body screamed, wailed, shrieked, cried for her to come back for me, to stay, just _don't__ go! _

Tears streamed down my cheeks.

Slowly, as if I was seeing it all happen slowly, she fell onto my lap. I saw her eyes close and her body curve gracefully as she glided through the small distance between us. Her hair fluttered behind her, and finally settled on her body.

A sound burst from me, full of grief that bordered on hysteria.

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****

****

**_"KAA-SAN!"_**********

She looked up at me through half-closed eyes. "Ashiteru, Kenji-chan…."

Then she smiled. A smile. A genuinely happy smile. All grief vanished from her face and her eyes sparkled just a little.

She reached out, her hand trembling.

A sound escaped her lips, like a drop of crystal falling into the river.

_"Shinta…" _

She closed her eyes, her face at peace.

I sobbed uncontrollably over her body. Hot, scalding tears left trails down my face. My nose began to run, mucus mixed with saliva from my mouth. But I didn't care. The one that I had loved throughout my life, the one that I would do anything for, the one that I could not bear to lose-

Kaa-san, _my _Kaa-san, was vanished.

Author's Notes: Depressing, yeah? Review!


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